For the one i love the most ^^

what shud i say.. i juz feel like blogging.. and my mood was so unstable.. when i think back how sweet is me n him.. i feel jealous bout myself >< why those happiness oni for that time.. how about now..

hmm im not saying now dun have happiness wif him.. but wat can admit is.. now our relationship is like rational is more than happiness.. last time we will juz dun care everything.. we enjoy ourselve.. we laugh.. we crazy.. we do watever we wan to.. we go anywhere we wan to.. everyone are juz jealous about us.. but now.. i feel that he grew up many.. im happy for him.. but im juz feel that he take it too serious about our future.. i know i shud happy bout that.. but.. how to say.. is juz.. why dun we happy for now.. who noes wat happen next?? yeah.. i know there is too much of external prob of us.. we face many different attitude.. different family.. different thinking.. wat also different.. but coz of we very tolerate each other.. so prob only occur now.. i feel that he is not that care me like last time.. is not that he dun care me now.. is.. mayb he is not that careful.. or hmm.. attentive to me like last time he did..

that time i break up wif him.. i still rmb i sit on his bed in his room.. i cried, his heart pain and he bend down his knee on the floor.. and hold my hand tight.. he put my hand on his mouth and kiss me.. he said "my dear, i really love u very much.. i have this decision.. i do all this because wan to give u a better future.. im very mind that u're suffering wif me.. i duwan u to suffer.. but to give u the best life i can giv.. this is my first time i planned this to my girl that i love.. plz trust me.. that i can did it for you.. i will come wif ur dream car.. and our dream house.. i will give u the grand wedding that u see in ur dream.. i want everyone jealous my wife.. let ur fren happy for u.. let ur parents feel proud of u.. and let u proud of being my wife.. i juz need u to trust me.. forever i will oni love u.. i need ur support.. ur support is the biggest to me.. i need u.. need u to be the women behind me.." and he cried..

im very touched.. i cried more n more.. my heart feel so pain.. i have to separate wif someone i love the most.. and the one who love me the most too.. but i have no choice to respect his decision.. i duwan any arguement happened btw us.. i ask myself to be patient for him.. and bring him through his toughest period of his life.. i muz be strong.. and i have to trust myself..
he said all this.. i muz trust him as i love him very much.. but i know i have a tough period to go on.. i have to take off his moodyness.. emo-ness.. tiredness.. alot more.. and the word he told me izzit come true in the future.. thats not the thing i want to ask.. i juz wan to be wif the one i love.. thats all.. only wants his appreciation.. understand.. love n care on me..

everyone said he treat me very gud.. mayb is coz of he treat me too gud last time.. n now im not used to the way he treat me now.. i will ask for more caring.. wat also hope for more.. mayb coz he pampered me too much.. now.. i wish he understand me more.. i know he is very busy for work.. very tired after work.. but i wan he alwayz rmb he alwayz got me beside him.. but he seem like more taking rest.. sleep.. aiks.. i understand.. but sometime i dun feel gud when he is moody n not beside me when i need him..

actually everyone asking me how's my relationship wif him.. i dunno how to answer.. i juz know that we agree to break for one year.. give each other more time.. but.. few days ago.. he juz told his mom we couple back.. im very happy but haih.. i also dunno wat he thinking.. i dun even wan to ask him.. cause i duwan get any arguement wif this prob again.. he is very emotion these day.. sometimes he treat me very gud.. sometime.. he will suddenly hurt me by his word or action.. im asking myself.. do i really understand him? yes i do.. but why he change so frequently and i like cannot catch his thinking nowadays.. so shud i treat us couple back edi or still breaking for 1 year? ahh.. confuse..!! but.. as the day i first couple wif him.. i nvr treat him as we broke up.. i alwayz treat him as my boy.. cause i love him..

i wont get any answer from him.. even i ask him.. i think he also dunno how to answer.. coz he cannot put me down.. n also he have his target.. he cannot choose to have anyone of it alone.. thats why im here.. innocent.. n quiet.. stay beside him.. as he said.. be the women behind him.. hmm.. i now really understand.. how pain n hard to be the women behind someone that is ambigious.. but i really love him.. i really do.. i have no choice.. i have to be patient.. i have to look forward.. i have to dicipline up myself.. i still have my studies to go on.. God plz help me..!!

i wish, one day, he come n tell me.. he understand all my feeling.. he willing to share wif me my everyday.. willing to tolerate.. cope wif me.. to give me a wonderful life.. i keep trust in him that he will give me one day..

bi, i will alwayz be wif u.. i won't give up so easily.. for our future.. our road.. our everything ...
plz stay beside me, and let me stay beside u, plz understand my feelings.. my everything.. i did everything juz wan to ask for happiness on us.. bi, juz remember, i will trust u alwayz n forever.. plz do not doubt on me.. have confidence on us n trust in me ^^

he made me wrote this

hmm.. now is about 8pm.. yday is our anniversary n he promise to celebrate wif me.. but suddenly he got something to do wif his job.. so he say sry n say he will accompany me tonight.. i didnt feel any disappointed.. i still feel that sweet.. coz he understand how i feel n cheer me up..

so today he told me will come n fetch me around 7 something.. but until 7:30pm.. he still havent call me yet.. i call him many time but no one pick up.. as usual.. i guess.. he fall asleep after work.. i know he alwayz very tired for his work.. i understand.. but he promise to accompany me.. somemore is replacement for anniversary.. haih.. but why i feel that he rather go to sleep now..i did ask him izzit duwan go out.. he said.. he promise me edi.. so he'll come.. but i feel that he is not really willing to.. haih.. this is not the first time.. n not the second time.. everytime i went out wif him.. i juz wan happiness wif him.. enjoy our sweet moment.. but if i know he is unwilling but is force by me.. how will i feel?

why he wont understand le.. im not angry him.. im juz upset.. i wish he will understand my feeling one day.. why i didnt talk to him bout this? coz i know he can't accept it.. i muz put it aside again.. n see.. wat will we feel later when he came.....

to be continue...

yeah, i came back from ikea.. walking around wif him.. i can feel his mood is not really gud.. because he is very very tired.. then i juz keep quiet.. who noes.. i fall sleep haha.. coz i juz ate some medicine.. i suffering running nose now ><

times goes.. his mood getting better.. we getting much things to talk.. then we go see furniture in ikea.. think bout our future house.. haha izzit like fairy tales? but it really feels gud.. feeling getting better n better.. n he start to joke.. n we ate something at ikea restaurant.. n then he start to bully me.. play a fool wif me.. ><

we went to toilet.. when i come out from toilet.. i wasnt know he was behind me.. he juz watch me go further n further to look for him.. >< him ="">

when we goes to the parking lot to pick up the car.. at the escalator, we keep "kucit" each other.. [pai seh] but i really very kek..!! then when i saw the auto pay machine.. i go in front n see.. suddenly he disappear again..!! when i turn back.. he walk another way..!! damn it.. fool me again.. then i go smack him again hahaha then he say.. i "dut dut" so stupid.. then laugh at me ah.. only i know i walk to the wrong way ><

he keep laugh laugh laugh.. sot edi.. dunno wat so funny.. then i say.. VERY NICE TO BULLY HORRR.. then he say YA WOR.. then i ask him why so like to bully me in the public, i so pai seh ah.. then he say.. got pai seh meh.. ppl so jealous u, u also dunno.. ><>

by the way, really thx God lor.. we have a happy outing.. no arguement.. no sad.. no disappointed.. arhh.. i wish alwayz no arguement wif him ^^ pray to God take off his bad tempered.. =p

alright ah.. have to stop here edi.. gud nite..

x'mas details

now is time for me to post those soh poh picture to let u all see haha..

on christmas eve, after my church count down service.. we take picture at the worship hall when everyone is gone haha

haha i dunno why we will take such photo on that time.. mayb we are too excited.. for christmas..!! haha

actually we got alot of presentation for that nite.. so we are very very busy preparing it.. n im da pianist for that nite.. first time feel that my hand muscle pain haha omg..!! but however, we enjoyed it !! after that we went yam cha together lor.. n then go back home n sleep haha..

alright, time for christmas present..!! haha.. im so happy to get two cross necklace from different person.. it is really cool n nice.. n other little gift.. really make me treasure alot..!! haha how wish everyday is christmas.. lol.. n wat so funny is.. i made a hand made puppy for my bf..!! haha i show my fren da puppy.. they say it look like dinosour >< haha but luckily my dad say.. OK LAR.. can show ppl lar.. hahaha.. that's the one....

haha enufffff..!!! dun laugh ah everyone..!! bluek.. i use whole mid nite to finished it for my hubby's christmas present..!! haha touched leh..!!

bluek.. ok lar.. duwan crap edi.. thanks for sharing my happiness..!! haha

relationship vs anniversary

today is my hubby n i 1 year n 2 mths anniversary.. hehe he said he will celebrate with me tonight.. im waiting wif excitement..!! haha..
actually i felt weird.. coz dunno why he still treat me that gud.. but i didnt ask.. cause i know that.. as long as we happy.. i won't take out the sensitive issue n talk about it again.. cause we know we love each other.. earlier, we come out an agreement.. we will give each other more freedom n we juz meet once a week.. because he has to concentrate on his job n i shud too on my study.. we wan a brighter future.. n he is quite a big guy thinking.. he very mind that i suffer wif him.. hmm.. anyway, i willing to be the women behind him.. he is a wonderful person.. other than some bad tempered =p haha trust me ^^

actually we broke up b4.. for a short period.. the reason is known.. n all of that is coz of my gud.. im so sad n touched when broke up.. coz even when until the last minute.. he will still think for my gud.. it is too long to speak it out here.. anyway.. many times we struggle.. we talk.. we argue for this break up.. there have no solution.. but wat make us understand is we still love each other alot.. therefore, until now.. we didnt figure out wat's our relationship now.. we didnt ask for the solution.. we juz happy wif one another n everyone know us are sweet couple.. n we satisfied.. behind this relationship, there have too much external prob cause us feel that our relationship is no-longer.. but our love, hold us together.. n we still walk how far that we can..

most importantly, we love each other, n we happy for each other..
wat makes me realized in this incident is.. a couple may not argue who is right or wrong.. some sensitive issue may have to put it aside although at first we dun think it muz ignore.. but wat i learn is.. if i take up the sensitive issue.. i will get a smack on my heart.. many thing btw a couple do not have solution. however, if we love each other, we muz think for each other, muz tolerate.. i can take up the prob dun mean that he can accept the prob..

n for those who break up.. when u wondering shud u save the relationship or not.. u juz need to ask urself.. do u really love her? AND do she really love u? juz a two question.. because when the love is there.. wat kind of problem also can ignore.. dun say about solve..
a very good example, is me n my hubby.. ^^

Today - the day after christmas

im here.. wif my new blog.. im juz a starter.. hmm..
today is the day after christmas.. although i had a simple christmas this year.. but im yet still feel that happy and satisfied.. because of..??

24 dec
my boy - martin cannot accompany me for christmas eve count down at church.. im quite a disappointed.. but i didnt angry bout this.. cause i tell myself to be understanding ^^ after church.. i went to have a drink wif frens.. at puchong.. simple.. but nice .. n i know some new fren there ^^ i still called my boy n tell him if he can come..
after a while.. my phone rang.. is him..!! i answer.. n he said look at my 9 o'clock side.. omg.!! he is here..!! im so excited n jumping around when saw him.. mayb i have not expected he will be here.. anyway.. im full of joy on that time ^^

25 dec
i went to church in the early morning.. wif a very tired look haha.. after church.. i went back home n have a 5 hours nap.. after that went movie wif my boy.. uhuh.. so sweet that nite =p

26 dec - today
started my blog..!! haha..suddenly feel very happy n excited.. although very bored.. aikss.. now busy planning for my another semester.. uhuh..!! going to start next week.. haha i have to study hard again.. yeah i shud..!! anyway.. dunno why.. im quite a hmm.. waiting for the class start.. haha mayb too boring at home.. oh gosh.. i have not yet keep my last sems book.. haha gosh.. ok.. have to stop here..